t couldn't have been more prophetic. In 2008, 15 years before Manchester City were charged with financial fraud, fans started singing "City's going down with a billion in the bank" to the tune of Yellow Submarine. This was because the former Thailand president Thaksin Shinawatra's 15-month ownership of City had come to an abrupt end when more than £1bn of his assets were frozen. And although Sheikh Mansour of the UAE had stepped in to save City, we were sinking fast.
Despite the UAE's untold riches, by December we were in the relegation zone. It's called Cityitis – shorthand for our tendency to self-destruct when things appear to be going well. In fact we won trophy after trophy. But we continued to sing the song about going down with a billion in the bank. When the financial fair play investigation was launched in 2018, the chant got louder. Then in 2023 we learned there were more than 100 charges. The chant became even louder and more cavalier. And now that our grubby, griftin', cheatin' chicken has come home to roost, you can bank on one thing (if banks still deal with us) – the chanting will be louder and more cavalier than ever.
After all, this is a club that believes schadenfreude starts at home. We brag about our failings. Other songs we sing include "Empty seats at home" (to the tune of the Beautiful South's Rotterdam) because we can't sell out our tickets and "Is This the Etihad?" (to La donna è mobile from Verdi's Rigoletto, natch) at deathly quiet away grounds.
It's not about tempting fate. Nor is it hubristic irony – we can't sell out despite winning all these trophies. It's simply an acceptance that one way or another we'll always be City, always suffer from Cityitis, and come the day, despite our endless UAE riches, we'll do a City.
And that day has come. We don't know what our fate, or sentence, is yet. When I interviewed Wayne Rooney recently he suggested we would have 60 points docked, making it virtually impossible for us to avoid relegation.
It could be worse, of course. We could lose all eight trophies we won in the period (2009-10 to 2017-18) we flouted fair play, including three Premier League titles and our record-breaking centurions season when we won with 100 points in 2017-18. To me, that would be disproportionate and would in effect mean the Premier League eating itself.
But is the verdict itself unjust? City will say yes because they don't want anything as petty as fair-play rules thwarting their bid for global domination. The lawyers will say yes because they're paid to do so. Many fans will say yes because they're fans. But some of us believe we're bang to rights.
Everton and Nottingham Forest have been docked points for lesser offences, so it would be embarrassing if City had got away with it; an undeniable case of one rule for the rich. Despite City's shocking attempts to legally filibuster the charges out of existence for the past three years, we've rightfully failed. Although it appears this is not the end because City intend to appeal.
Our behaviour has been pretty outrageous at Dodge City. Failing to provide accurate and up-to-date financial reports, concealing salary details and bonuses, inflating sponsorship revenues and failing to cooperate or supply requested documents during the investigation all feature on the charge sheet. We used lawyers to royally take the piss. And when it comes down to it, that is not very City. After all, this is a club founded in 1880 as St Mark's (West Gorton) by members of St Mark's Church of England for humanitarian and social rescue purposes to serve the deprived area of east Manchester, where Shameless was filmed a century later.
So what happens next? We may lose trophies. We will almost certainly get relegated. We almost certainly lose our best players and say to Erling Haaland, the great Nordic God of goalscoring (having said that he may stay just to see how many he could get in a Championship season). And we start building again.
If the very worst happens, and we lose all those trophies, at least we still have our when we did the unprecedented domestic quadruple (2018-19), and treble including the Champions League (2022-23). There was barely a whiff of scandal in these years. We were simply obscenely wealthy, brilliantly run and managed by the world's numero uno Pep Guardiola.
And plenty of positives will come out of our disgrace. The biggest being that justice is done. But there is so much more. City may get to play in the Championship where we enjoyed some of our finest moments ("We've got Kevin Keegan 100 goals a season," sung to the tune of Let's All Do the Conga a mere 24 years ago). League One? Halcyon days. For City fans of a certain age and disposition, beating Gillingham in the playoff is our top footballing memory. League Two? Thrill of the unknown. The only way is up, as the song goes.
Ticket prices come down, allowing regular civilians back into the Etihad. Prices become so low that we fill the ground. Fans begin to realise Wembley visits and winning trophies are to be treasured. Pep has already gone so there's no danger of losing him. We learn some humility and stop coming over all sullen because we've only won the League Cup and FA Cup in one season.
Perhaps the biggest positive is that rather than simply pulling out the chequebook and signing the world's best, we learn to think imaginatively. I noticed the God of Bermudan goalscoring Shaun Goater this year left his job coaching Aston Villa Women. He's only 56, never relied entirely on pace, and I bet he's a free agent.